I will take Birth Mama Drama for 100 please Alex....
September 7, 2015
Well I ended the blog yesterday saying that Doug and I were about to be devastated as we returned home from Anguilla knowing that over the course of the week the text messages from the potential birthmom became more and more infrequent. Doug was still excited but I told Doug that I was worried that she was changing her mind. Wouldn’t you know it; she calls us to say that she has changed her mind and that she was keeping the baby. She mentioned it to her mom and her mom revealed a lot of stuff she had purchased for the baby hoping that she would change her mind and then also told her that she was committed to helping her with the baby.
We certainly want any birth mom to make a decision that is right for her family but we also felt heartbroken. Thankfully we talked with a friend who had recently adopted and she encouraged us not to purchase anything for the baby because of the highs and lows. Well I was very low, sad in fact and became a bit discouraged with the overall process. I know what you are saying, it was the 1st birth mom and it was too quick to become attached but also know that we wanted this baby, we were yearning for the ability to love this child and was amazed at how quickly it was about to happen.
Well several weeks went by and we heard from the agency monthly providing statistics on how many birth moms viewed our profile and who had requested additional information about us. Although our stats were high no birth moms were reaching out so we were playing the wait game. Then as luck would have it Doug and I decided to take another trip and I cannot remember exactly where we were going but as the plane was about to take off, I got a message from the adoption agency that said a birth mom in a southern state wanted to give her 2 year old child up for adoption and also her unborn child to the same family. She was living with her boyfriend’s family and he was deployed in the military and she found a new friend while he was away and she needed to give both kids up before the family put her on the street for what she had done. We thought long and hard about this and of course there was a lot more money involved because it was with another agency- so we need to come up with an additional $30K to make all of this happen.
Can you image getting this email as the flight attendant says the doors are closing and please discontinue the use of all electronics? It made it a long flight to whereever it was that we were going. At the same time it allowed Doug and I an opportunity to discuss the pros and cons of the situation and by the end of the flight we had decided to pass on this opportunity. Not because we didn’t want to provide a stable family for both of the kids but we laid out a solid plan for what we wanted and realized that we needed to stick to that plan as we knew our finances best and how we wanted to raise our child. We wanted to start our relationship with our child having options and on our terms. I think of that birth mom often and wonder where those kids are today. I know that a great family took in both kids and that they are healthy and happy but I still wonder.
So to recap a bit, we started the process in January 2013, finished the paperwork in March, was selected by a birth mom in May, then selected again in late June and oh, accepted again by another birth mom in mid-July. This time the birth mom was off to jail and wanted to give the baby up before she went to jail for 5 years but wanted to have placed in the agreement that we would bring the baby to visit her in jail very often. This situation was actually much easier and faster for Doug and I to say no…. neither one of us thrive on drama. We don’t like being around it and wanted no part of it and this had drama written all over it… so we said no immediately to this situation. So in a very short period of time for some, but seemed like a lifetime for Doug and I we had the pleasure of speaking to 3 birth moms or the agency about the potential of adopting a child(ren).
One thing was for certain our agency Lifelong was really working hard to match us and on the next blog we will start with what Doug and I was feeling by August of 2013 and what happens next....
Please continue reading our blog and remember to share it with all of your friends. I promise to get to 2015 but I think it is important for you to know the history of the process for us... until the next blog.