What will a Birth Mother think?
I am picking up where I stopped yesterday with how we began all of the necessary paperwork (in January 2013) and it usually takes about 3 months to complete all details but you can do it faster. We choose to do it faster as the agency will not promote you as much until they are sure you are serious and have completed the necessary steps. Once we got all of that paperwork straight we then had to do the agency paperwork and trust me when I tell you that the agency paperwork is not as long but still an emotional journey. All of the other paperwork was just for the state of Georgia.
You have to decide what you will say to a birthmother for them to review and ultimately decide on you to adopt their baby. How do you express your feelings of always wanting to be a parent, loving a child in a society that truly doesn’t accept our lifestyle. How do you measure her feelings in this knowing the decision that is before her? What will she think?
At the same time you are writing your letter to the birth mom and collecting the right photos to place on the website, you are also deciding the gender of the baby you want and again talking about the type of adoption you want, open or closed. We chose an option adoption (and I am so glad we did). I will share more about our open experiences later...
Now all of the paperwork is complete, the journey begins…. We are up on the website for birthmoms to see and decide literally in less than 3 months. The world can see us, our vulnerabilities and this is by far the hardest part of the process. Will a birth mom/family choose us? How long will it take? Will she change her mind? The agency can provide you with statistics on how many "hits" you get on the website along the way and what they do when you get a "hit".
I havent talked about selecting an attorney yet, but I will here shortly as we truly believe this is the most important step in the full process. Our attorney Ronnie Fishbein was simply amazing and we hope that those of you thinking of adoption will contact her.. You will be glad you did.. She was the one person who made us relax about how things were going to happen. And frankly in the adoption process you really should begin by locating an attorney before an agency. The agency will market you well ( if you select the right one) but your attorney will ensure you follow the law in your state and the state where you birth mother is located ensuring no hiccups along the way.
Doug and I decided to travel to Anguilla in May with friends for some time away and get our minds off the adoption process for at least a few days now that the paperwork is all complete. As you would expect within a day of being in Anguilla the agency contacted us as a birth mom had chosen us! We were over the moon!!!! This was the 1st birth mom to select us after so many had viewed our profiles. We immediately made contact with the birth mom (from a corner in the house in Anguilla).
We agreed to meet her and her boyfriend when we returned to Atlanta but had some amazing conversations about what she wanted for the baby and other details about her situation. She was actually in her mid-twenties and her boyfriend was like 19 years old and she had a lot of concerns about their ability to raise a baby. She had recently moved back home with her mom and her mom was very supportive of the adoption process. Doug and I found ourselves very excited and looked forward to having the chance to discuss more with them at a mutual location when we arrived back in Atlanta. We exchange contact information and as with most young adults she loved to text with us and did so very often as she expected to deliver in July 2013.
We arrived home about a week later from Anguilla and can you guess what happens next?.. a bit of devasation! I will share with you on the next post as I work to catch the blog up to present day...